Eating in secret and other embarrassing side effects of dieting.

I consulted with a client the other day who wanted to admit something embarrassing. The admission started out like so many others that I've heard: "I've never told anyone this but... when everyone is in bed, sometimes I sneak into the kitchen and eat foods I am not supposed to. I feel out of control, like I cannot stop myself, eat more than I want to and end up feeling panicked and guilty. What is WRONG with me?!" 

While I am thrilled that my clients feel comfortable enough to share these intimate details, I am sad that they feel so embarrassed. I am also angry that, despite the awful consequences of dieting (such as this one), they are still the #1 go-to for people who want to lose weight.  

The reason why eating in secret should not be humiliating is because it happens more often than you think- it is just not something many people talk about. 
I hear these kinds of admissions all the time, mainly because dieting is a root cause. Imagine that! the very thing that is supposed to "stop you" from overeating is the very thing that pushes you to eat in secret. 

Let's explore a scenario that could lead you or someone you know to be ashamed of eating and thus eat in secret:

"Imagine that you decide to follow a popular diet to lose weight. The diet forbids you to eat your favourite foods and many foods your family typically eats. So, instead of eat your favourite meal you prepared for your family, you are choking down your "special" meal of broiled fish and steamed veggies. Feeling deprived & a little hungry but proud of yourself for eating your weight loss meal, you start to clean up. You are left alone in the kitchen and as you put away the pasta, you hear it calling your name. The internal struggle begins: 

After taking a few manic bite fulls of pasta, you figure, "what the heck! I've already ruined my perfect diet day, I might as well go nuts". So, standing at the counter, you finish off the pot of pasta. How could this have happened?! One minute you were being good, and the next you are stuffing your face. "

There are a few things that may have pushed you in the direction of overeating:

1. Feeling deprived & being deprived: it is natural for humans to "want what we can't have" and there is no better example of this than with dieting and food. When we deprive ourselves of our favourite foods or even just normal foods, we often are compelled to eat a large amount of them when they are available. Also, cravings of these off-limit foods tend to increase when we forbid them. 

2. Hunger, both physical and mental: anyone can follow a crazy diet for a little while but over time it becomes harder. If the diet leaves us feeling hungry, then it is a no brainer that we will want to eat more (perhaps when noone is looking and therefore no one can judge us). The mental "hunger" for delicious foods and the need to have pleasure when eating is something that is often overlooked. If every meal is a disappointment, it is not uncommon to eventually go looking for good tasting food. What usually tastes good? forbidden foods! Foods that are not allowed are often perceived as tasting better than if they are eaten without guilt. Remove the guilt and often you remove the sacred status the food holds. 

3. Comments from the peanut gallery. If the people around us are trying to "help" by saying negative comments about our food choices, our instinct is usually to rebel. Hearing things like "you'll never lose weight eating like that!" or "Are you sure you need to eat that?" is embarrassing and angering. A lot of people are compelled to rebel against these attitudes by eating the food they were told not to. This can happen when alone in the kitchen late at night or in your car before you go into the house.

A wise client recently told me that the key to eating less in secret or out of rebellion is to ask themselves this question:

Am I going to feel less stressed if I eat this candy bar? Am I going to feel more satisfied or over stuffed if I finish this pizza? Is eating this cookie going to comfort me or make me feel guilty?

It is ok to to eat something because you are stressed or need comfort. The big question is, are you less stressed and comforted by it? If not, then eating that food won't help the current problem. 

My client realized that they were eating when not hungry and not "getting anything out of it". In their journey to repair their relationship with food and manage their weight, my client brilliantly said to me:

Temptations and the unreliability of willpower

Recent research has found that avoiding temptation works better than relying only on willpower when faced with temptation. (You can see the original article here: Restricting Temptations: Neural Mechanisms of Precommitment)

The idea of avoiding "tempting" foods in order to eat less of them seems rather obvious. However, does it work well for everyone? This particular study didn't look at food temptations, so can we expect the same results? I think this is a more complicated answer than initially thought and it will depend on how you avoid temptations.

Let's imagine that the food temptations we are talking about are foods rich in calories, sugar or fat. If there are none of these foods lying around the house or the office and we have to trek to the store to buy them, then it is obvious that we will eat less of them since the temptation is not close by. If we take that thought one step further and say that if we buy these tempting foods in small quantities instead of larger ones, then it will be easier to resist temptations since we won't have any leftovers.

BUT, if we never allow ourselves fun food (at least) once in awhile, then this plan may backfire. If these tempting foods are banned completely from our lives for any reason (to be uber healthy, to lose weight, to get "back on track", etc) we will end up wanting them more- even when none of these foods are in sight. It's the concept of "we want what we can't have". This concept drives most people crazy and increases their cravings for these "banned" food.

The idea of eating only very "healthy" foods is quite popular right now. But is it "normal" to never eat a food rich in fat or sugar or calories? NO. This slippery slope of thinking often leads to a pattern of under eating, feeling deprived then overeating (and possibly even binge eating).

This particular study looked at what happens when people commit to a bigger reward if they resist smaller temptations. This reminds me of what so many people call a "cheat day". Eating only really healthy foods for most days of the week then allowing themselves to "cheat" (I prefer the word treat) for one day or a meal. The popularity of this concept does not make it a healthy way of thinking. Allowing yourself a treat a few times a week and planning ahead is a great idea, and this study suggests it will help you resist the urge to cave to smaller, less rewarding temptations.

HOWEVER, under eating all week long just to give yourself permission to eat "bad" foods is a slippery slope. It is hard to eat these so called "bad" foods in normal portions once you are done denying yourself. You train your body to eat as much as you can on the odd occasion you allow yourself the food. Calling it a cheat or a bad food actually pushes people to eat it in large quantities.

For people who find they "just have no willpower" and feel they cave to all cravings, this study suggests you plan out how you will enjoy more important (or bigger) temptations ahead of time. This kills two birds with one stone- it forces you to plan out your week to see what special event is happening (ex. 5 a 7 at work, birthday party or BBQ) in order to enjoy and fit the "fun" foods (higher calorie temptations we mentioned earlier) into your plan as well as understand that including them on a regular basis is a healthy, normal part of life.

Think taking the addiction approach to food is best? Think again.

I am so sad to hear of yet another book toting overeating or binge eating as food addiction. In the brief adaptation I read recently in Macleans magazine, I find it interesting that everything the author is describing as addiction can also be considered binge eating. More specifically, the trap of the binge eating and restrictive eating cycle. I am flabbergasted that people continue to chose the "addiction" route versus the mindful eating approach to dealing with a skewed relationship with food. It astounds me because the way in which they are treated are quite different- one being very harsh and relying on "discipline" and the other a more flexible, kinder, realistic way to live. 

Many feelings and thoughts written in the adaptation sound familiar- many of my clients have told me the same things. However, not one of them was able to fully adapt the addiction method without cycling between food restriction and binging. Also, every one of them have found that although addiction is an easier way to think about food, understanding how their emotions and body shame lead them to overeat or binge has helped more in the reduction of binges and cravings for binges. Here is a short summary of the difference between both treatments:

Sure, there may be aspects of the addiction model for treatment that can work for people, but in my experience, clients need way more than this approach to heal relationships with food and their bodies. Cravings are a normal part of life, how we deal with them depends on how we see ourselves (i.e. our weight and shape) and our relationship with food. People who eat intuitively may eat the food they crave, listen to their hunger to determine how much of it that they want and continue to eat according to their hunger for the rest of the day. This may mean they will eat a lighter dinner because they are less hungry. In fact, people who are intuitive eaters get more pleasure and comfort from food than people who eat mindlessly. 
People who do not eat intuitively and eat due to emotions, tend to get less comfort from food and end up cycling between eating for comfort, not being comforted and then eating more because they are ashamed of caving into a craving (which is a negative emotions that can start the cycle all over again). 

If you are looking for more information on binge eating or how to decrease over eating, these books take a more gentle and effective approach :

Eat what you love, love what you eat for binge eating by Dr. Michelle May
Overcoming binge eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn
Eating Mindfully by Dr. Susan Albers (there is also a companion workbook called Eat, drink and be mindful)

If you are a dietitian looking for more information on the CBT and mindful eating approach to treating binge eating disorder, try these books (of course those mentioned above are a good read too):
A clinician's guide to binge eating disorder by June Alexander, Andrea GOldschmidt and Daniel Le Grange
Nutrition Counseling in the treatment of eating disorders by Marcia Herrin and Maria Larkin
Cognitive behavioral therapy and eating disorders by Dr. CHristopher Fairburn